“I think Tinder has it all wrong. Choosing a partner based on looks alone is not the shallowest approach to modern day dating. Let’s all get real and create a dating app called ‘Husband Hunting’ that outlines a list of assets, perhaps a breakdown of their stock portfolio, annual income and of course…total net worth.”
Marry for money and love the pool boy…were the words of wisdom a friend of mine recently received as she closed the door on a former employer. No generic pleasantries to smooth the transition just a NYC fuck you on the way out and oh…heads up – you CAN’T have it all.
I think Fergie said it best …“if you aint got no money take your broke ass home.” Who knew Fergie was the voice of a generation? A modern day poet to trophy wives all over the world. Perhaps I should just give up this career bullshit now and focus on my ‘real’ goal of locking down a rich husband. Who needs independence and prospects when you have an unlimited Amex and a lifelong relationship with your manicurist?
I think Tinder has it all wrong. Choosing a partner based on looks alone is not the shallowest approach to modern day dating. Let’s all get real and create a dating app called ‘Husband Hunting’ that outlines a list of assets, perhaps a breakdown of their stock portfolio, annual income and of course…total net worth. Women all over the world can get swipe happy dismissing and selecting life partners based on their financial prospects. Women of course, will still need to include photos and perhaps additional information such as… cup size, height, weight and a photo of their mother – so that men can analyze their long-term investment.
In this dog eat dog world – who has time for old-fashioned concepts like integrity, commitment and family anyway? Romance means a brand new convertible sitting in the driveway of your holiday home in the Hamptons. If you feel your ‘real housewife’ life is lacking intimacy – there is always the pool boy to keep you warm on a winter’s night….right?!
To all those independent women with their drab hair and flat shoes who insist on having brains – I say… there is still hope for you yet!… as long as you are under 30 of course. Thirty being the age by which all women reach their expiration date. If you haven’t locked down a man by then, you are clearly damaged goods or a lesbian. We will still tolerate you but you will be confined to Brooklyn where all old maids are destined to live out their lives as desperate spinsters dreaming of the day their night in shining armor will come save them from their family of cats.
I write this article as a cautionary tale based upon my own experience. Believe me…travelling the world and living out all your childhood dreams as an independent woman isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. By all means…be all you can be but know your limitations…. as a woman. I have seen the error in my ways and will commence a penance of lifelong dieting in the hope of attracting a suitable husband with a fat bank account. I will gratefully accept his handouts and enjoy my servile role as the supporting actress. After all…behind every great man there is a great woman.
As a side note…there is an opening at my place for a pool boy. There is no pool but feel free to clean the bathtub. Please include a photo in your application.
“You get the feeling that if the walls could talk, they would whisper secrets of lux and love – of affairs and the type of debauchery that comes with wealth and status and occurs safely behind closed doors.”
I am all for a little luxury. After extended press trips I often get home and throw my towels on the ground only to realize no one will replace them with fresh ones. It is rude awakenings such as these that have led me to believe that reality is overrated. If I could live in my five star bubble permanently….I would.
My latest five star venture took me to The Windsor in Melbourne. I knew the Windsor by reputation. The name itself conjures up images of old world elegance, of ladies who lunch and a by gone era when class and distinction where of upmost importance. Certainly when The Windsor was first built in 1883 it embodied all these things and more. It was the destination for Melbournes’s socialites and the hotel of choice for dignitaries & celebrities such as Katherine Hepburn, Anthony Hopkins, Meryl Streep and Sir Richard Branson. I look forward to the day when they add Tempting Alice to their distinguished guest list – hurrah!
These days, The Windsor maintains it’s reputation and takes it’s guests on a journey back in time. Heritage listed, the Windsor is like a real life time capsule. You get the feeling that if the walls could talk, they would whisper secrets of lux and love – of affairs and the type of debauchery that comes with wealth and status and occurs safely behind closed doors. I…of course added my own flavour of debauchery. The nature of which…I will leave up to your imagination.
The Windsor is most famous for their high tea. Imagine buckets of champagne, and a tier of delights to tempt even the most selective sweet tooth. Yes… high tea was splendid but my favourite quirk was the afternoon tea etiquette booklet that guides you through the do’s and don’ts of the high tea experience. As an aspiring member of The Windsor’s distinguished guest list…I felt it was important that I mastered the basics and embraced the opportunity for self growth.
1. Always introduce yourself to unknown guests attending the Afternoon Tea
2. Your teaspoon should never be left in the teacup whilst drinking. If no longer needed, your teaspoon should be placed on the right hand side of the saucer.
3. Never gesture with your teacup or hold your teacup in mid-air. When not drinking, place your teacup on the saucer. The saucer should remain on the table or held in your lap.
4. When using your fork during your Afternoon Tea, the fork should always be set on the side of the plate when finished and not on the table.
5. In Victorian times, if you took milk with your tea you would pour it into the cup first as this represented good manners and protected the fine bone china from cracking.
6. Do not swirl your tea continuously. Rather gently fold the tea towards the 12 0′clock point two or three times. Avoid clinking the sides of your cup while folding your tea and do not tap it on the edge when finished.
7. When seated place the napkin on your lap. When excusing yourself from the table gently place your napkin on the side of your place setting and do not refold it.
8. Be sure to look into the cup as you drink and not over it at your companion.
9. Do not spread your jam and cream directly onto the scone. Rather, place them on the plate first and then spread onto the scone.
10. Never dip your biscuit in your tea!
Other pressing issues include…
‘to pinkie or not to pinkie’
“The Windsor recommends never holding your cup with your pinkie finger extended. This is improper and in many social settings can be considered rude.”
Phew…thank god for the booklet. Let’s be honest…my social graces leave a lot to be desired and if not for the ‘Afternoon Etiquette’ booklet I would have been a high tea horror show…descending into what The Windsor refers to as ‘Tier Panic’. As it stood…I tucked my pinkie away like a trooper and managed to scrape through with a pass. In the future, if I am to pursue a life as a lady of leisure and one day qualify as a ‘Distinguished Guest’ …I might need to lift my game. Mmm…practice makes perfect. High Tea anyone?
Thank you to The Windsor for the stay and the staff for the marvellous service. For more information and bookings…please visit their website.
“I can envisage a tee pee on the back lawn, tea lights at dusk scattered through the garden, a tasting menu featuring local produce in the Old Bakery. A fire casting a warm glow and an environment that encourages intimacy and conversation.”
I love people who are passionate about what they do. I love businesses that develop relationships, appreciate their employees, operate with integrity and focus on creating an ‘experience’ for their clients. This is why I love Harvest.
There are a lot of venues/restaurants in Byron Bay, Australia but none that I believe currently match up to the ‘experience’ Harvest can offer. Choose Harvest for your weekend coffee ritual – I guarantee the staff will remember your name. Head on over on a Saturday morning for pastries and freshly baked bread. Enjoy a slow lunch on the verandah or stock up on the best produce the region has to offer at their deli next door. Take a stroll through the vegetable garden, chat to the locals or watch the bakers / pastry chefs hard at work in the ‘Old Bakery’.
Harvest is more of a community…a meeting place with a dedication to excellence. I enjoyed the friendliness from the staff and the intensity from the chefs. As a photographer, Harvest is the type of place I love to photograph because it has a story, a history that gives it substance.
As a wedding venue…I am excited by the possibilities the space has to offer. I can envisage a tee pee on the back lawn, tea lights at dusk – scattered through the garden, a tasting menu featuring local produce in the Old Bakery. A fire casting a warm glow and an environment that encourages intimacy and conversation.
Thank you to Harvest for inviting me to photograph their space. For more information and bookings…be sure to visit their website.
“I belong to no one but everyone at the same time. I am an international…a resident of the world – as viewed by the law”
I was preparing my tax recently when my accountant mentioned that given the nomadic nature of Tempting Alice and the fact I no longer have a place of residence- I can now be classed as a resident of the world. No longer am I an Australian resident or a US resident. I belong to no one but everyone at the same time. I am an international…a resident of the world – as viewed by the law. God damn this is cool – but it poses a few questions.
Am I homeless?
This is the most common concern for people when I explain that I am a location freedom professional. It is an accepted view that putting down roots is a healthy practice. For me…the idea of home is not attached to a physical place. Home is where my family and friends are. I can find home in Adelaide with my dad, Darwin with my brother, Sydney with my sister or Cairns, Canberra, NYC, Texas..the list goes on. For me…home is where the heart is. Home is not about surrounding myself with stuff. Home is the relationships I have developed with those I love. I nurture these relationships and come back to Australia regularly to ensure I never lose touch. They are my priority, my support network and I value them accordingly. I will never be homeless…because I will always be able to find a safe place in the company of the people I love and who love me in return.
Is it forever?
People ask me all the time when I am going to come back to live in Australia. Recently…they started asking me if I would ever come back. The truth is… I don’t know. I love Australia. It is my birthplace, where I grew up, my country. I am proud to be an Australian and I will always have an unrivaled connection to the landscape. But I also love living in NYC. It inspires me and takes almost as much as it gives. I love the people, the possibility, the opportunity, the challenge. Now that I have survived the initial hazing period..I am not sure it is a place I could ever leave. It is an addiction. Healthy or not…I want more. For now…I am a nomad…a resident of the world, content to live between borders. In the long term…who knows. Life is a journey and I will see where it takes me.
What about a boyfriend…marriage, family?
You can view my opinion on the topic here in my article ‘I Don’t Move For Boys’. The article has I guess had a negative affect on my dating life. In the world of modern day dating, people to tend to google each other before or after meeting. Cyber stalking is a real thing and googling me is like hitting the jackpot. I am an open book. First or second dates tend to escalate quickly. Small talk is thrown out the window and I am hit with questions like…am I looking for a relationship? What are we doing? Can we define the relationship? Do you really not want to get married? Do you want to have children? I even had a guy tell me that if marriage and children were not on the cards then there was no future and therefore no point to dating. Ouch! I would like to clear up the issue and say that I am not against marriage or children. This may or may not be a part of my future and I am open to either. What I am against, is the idea that it is a predefined blueprint for my life. That my success as a woman is defined by my ability to lock down a man and procreate. Again…I refer to my previous statement…life is a journey and I will see where it takes me.
For now…I am celebrating my new status as a resident of the world and plotting to become the first ‘world president. I would love to meet other residents of the world. Perhaps we can create one big family and bond over our love for travel and our openness to experience.
In conclusion, I would like to propose a toast…here’s to life, to living in the now, to experience, to abandoning the blueprint, to embracing the journey and seeing where it takes you. Cheers !
( Below are some of my fav pics from my smoking instagram feed. Follow me @temptingalice or scoot on over to my sidebar )